My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
