I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
