You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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