I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
