I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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