I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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