I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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