only you would photoshop your dick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
MIDGETS
????
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
