Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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