LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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