I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
