he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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