I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
