remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
