false alarm. still invincible.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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