Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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