I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
