i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
