Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the night ended with taco bell and tears
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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