it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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