pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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