rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we're making bets on your personal life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
