I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
