a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
