Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
