My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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