It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
