the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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