So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
