We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
