Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
