I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
