thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
