It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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