dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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