i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
