the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
