i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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