I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
