i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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