i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
