The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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