mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
