Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
