i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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