someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
