She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
