i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
