So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
