Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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