I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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