I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
