My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
