That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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