I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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